Shadow Cabinet “Stolen” on visit to Liverpool
It was confirmed by Police today that the entire front bench team of the Conservative Party had disappeared “in suspicious circumstances” on their recent visit to Liverpool and that it seems likely that they have been stolen, possibly by an organised criminal gang
Suspicions that things were awry were first aroused shortly after the arrival of the Conservative team in Liverpool when three of the members of the front bench team disappeared without trace. It is believed that Oliver Letwin may well have been removed from the “left luggage” rack at Liverpool Station, although there is some dispute as to whether he ever managed to get on the train and there are reports of a figure answering his description wandering around the concourse at Euston.
As the visit to Liverpool progressed an ever increasing number of the Conservative team went missing, with David Davis disappearing down a manhole, Alan Duncan being snatched by a passing white Transit van and Liam Fox disappearing into a public convenience, although there are some reports that Dr. Fox may still be in the cubicle. The final indignity came when David Cameron appeared to be hustled away in a shopping trolley by two 11 year olds and a small Jack Russell terrier.
It is anticipated that the Shadow Cabinet may now be split up and sold for scrap or spare parts for other political parties to use. “A lot of politicians nowadays are completely interchangeable and some of the individual members of the Cabinet would be very valuable to aspirational political parties,” explained Inspector Derek Gadd of the Merseyside Police, who is investigating the crime. Police have ruled out direct theft by a political party, however, pointing out that the robbery was a series of perfectly executed steps by a group of highly organised individuals.
Although the police have remain tight-lipped about the possible buyers for the shadow cabinet team, the Liberal Democrats are known to have recently been in the market for new leaders and the Labour party is thought to be desperately looking for new blood to spruce up its “knackered and shagged out” ministerial team. There is also a possibility that the Members of Parliament could be shipped abroad, with many foreign Governments showing increasing interest in building up a collection of right of centre Ministers to burnish their credentials with the IMF and World Bank.
The Police are considering offering a reward for the return of the Shadow Cabinet “just as soon as we’ve had a chance to review Tory criminal justice spending plans.”
It was confirmed by Police today that the entire front bench team of the Conservative Party had disappeared “in suspicious circumstances” on their recent visit to Liverpool and that it seems likely that they have been stolen, possibly by an organised criminal gang
Suspicions that things were awry were first aroused shortly after the arrival of the Conservative team in Liverpool when three of the members of the front bench team disappeared without trace. It is believed that Oliver Letwin may well have been removed from the “left luggage” rack at Liverpool Station, although there is some dispute as to whether he ever managed to get on the train and there are reports of a figure answering his description wandering around the concourse at Euston.
As the visit to Liverpool progressed an ever increasing number of the Conservative team went missing, with David Davis disappearing down a manhole, Alan Duncan being snatched by a passing white Transit van and Liam Fox disappearing into a public convenience, although there are some reports that Dr. Fox may still be in the cubicle. The final indignity came when David Cameron appeared to be hustled away in a shopping trolley by two 11 year olds and a small Jack Russell terrier.
It is anticipated that the Shadow Cabinet may now be split up and sold for scrap or spare parts for other political parties to use. “A lot of politicians nowadays are completely interchangeable and some of the individual members of the Cabinet would be very valuable to aspirational political parties,” explained Inspector Derek Gadd of the Merseyside Police, who is investigating the crime. Police have ruled out direct theft by a political party, however, pointing out that the robbery was a series of perfectly executed steps by a group of highly organised individuals.
Although the police have remain tight-lipped about the possible buyers for the shadow cabinet team, the Liberal Democrats are known to have recently been in the market for new leaders and the Labour party is thought to be desperately looking for new blood to spruce up its “knackered and shagged out” ministerial team. There is also a possibility that the Members of Parliament could be shipped abroad, with many foreign Governments showing increasing interest in building up a collection of right of centre Ministers to burnish their credentials with the IMF and World Bank.
The Police are considering offering a reward for the return of the Shadow Cabinet “just as soon as we’ve had a chance to review Tory criminal justice spending plans.”
posted by Beaumont at 8:56 AM
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