"Brave" Celebrity in Olympic Torch Relay
There was widespread praise today for cancer-stricken television personality Mandy Skinner's announcement that she would take part in the UK leg of the Olympic Torch relay, despite the fact that she died two weeks ago.
Politicians, fellow celebrities and the media were all quick to offer their support for former glamour model Mandy's brave effort, overcoming crippling pain, exhaustion and one inch of solid teak to carry the torch on its journey to Athens. Liberal Democrat leader Sir Menzies Campbell took the opportunity to be photographed by Ms. Skinner's pallid corpse shortly after its hasty exhumation by the International Olympic Committee. "Mandy's brave struggle to beat cancer, although ultimately fruitless, is an inspiration to us all to overcome our difficulties and get on with living our lives to the full - just as she would if she hadn't died," declared Sir Ming. "I know Mandy is a keen supporter of the Liberal Democrats and will be offering her fulsome support for us from the afterlife - it's just a shame we can't get her registered as a voter up there, although we have still got her postal vote forms for safe keeping," he joked.
Popular singer Rachael Stevens was also quick to praise Ms Skinner's brave endeavour. "I know how difficult it can be for sensitive people like us to put ourselves in the public eye when we are not looking our best," she explained during a photo-shoot for "Lads in the Kitchen" magazine, wearing only two strategically placed button mushrooms and a large shitake. "My own Aunt was also rushed to hospital recently with suspected stomach cancer and although it turned out that she was actually suffering from chronic indigestion after a Christmas lunch, it gave me a real insight into the pain cancer sufferers must endure. I've dedicated a song on my new CD to Mandy, just to let her know that we're all rooting for her in her fight to overcome this dreadful disease, even though she hasn't."
Ms. Skinner's agent did agree that the timing of her death was mildly inconvenient, although he promised it would not interfere with her promotional tour for Cancer charities and her new book "Against the Odds - My Struggle To Beat The Cancer They Said Would Kill Me In 6 Months," which was published two months ago.
Ms. Skinner will take part in the relay from a specially designed glass vehicle. In order to accommodate Olympic rules that the bearer of the torch must move propel themselves using their own body, Ms. Skinner will be connected to an innovative motor that derives its energy from methane produced by her slowly rotting corpse. It is also expected that she will begin her effort at the top of Primrose Hill to help overcome any mechanical failures, with an escort of celebrities waiting at the bottom of the hill to help avert any embarrassing overruns
The celebrations surrounding this unique event were marred however when a fight broke out amidst Ms. Skinner's celebrity friends over who should act as escorts on her journey. Mr. Motivator, claimed his right to stand at the front as, even though he had never met her, his own struggle to overcome "media wasting disease" mirrored that of Mandy's. However, Trojan and Will Carling both declared that they should claim prime position as they had enjoyed brief relationships with the ex-model, which would be appearing in the Sunday papers. As fists began to fly, Ms Skinner's agent was able to deny reports of her guest appearance on Big Brother as it was felt unlikely that "any of the current contestants would try to shag her."
There was widespread praise today for cancer-stricken television personality Mandy Skinner's announcement that she would take part in the UK leg of the Olympic Torch relay, despite the fact that she died two weeks ago.
Politicians, fellow celebrities and the media were all quick to offer their support for former glamour model Mandy's brave effort, overcoming crippling pain, exhaustion and one inch of solid teak to carry the torch on its journey to Athens. Liberal Democrat leader Sir Menzies Campbell took the opportunity to be photographed by Ms. Skinner's pallid corpse shortly after its hasty exhumation by the International Olympic Committee. "Mandy's brave struggle to beat cancer, although ultimately fruitless, is an inspiration to us all to overcome our difficulties and get on with living our lives to the full - just as she would if she hadn't died," declared Sir Ming. "I know Mandy is a keen supporter of the Liberal Democrats and will be offering her fulsome support for us from the afterlife - it's just a shame we can't get her registered as a voter up there, although we have still got her postal vote forms for safe keeping," he joked.
Popular singer Rachael Stevens was also quick to praise Ms Skinner's brave endeavour. "I know how difficult it can be for sensitive people like us to put ourselves in the public eye when we are not looking our best," she explained during a photo-shoot for "Lads in the Kitchen" magazine, wearing only two strategically placed button mushrooms and a large shitake. "My own Aunt was also rushed to hospital recently with suspected stomach cancer and although it turned out that she was actually suffering from chronic indigestion after a Christmas lunch, it gave me a real insight into the pain cancer sufferers must endure. I've dedicated a song on my new CD to Mandy, just to let her know that we're all rooting for her in her fight to overcome this dreadful disease, even though she hasn't."
Ms. Skinner's agent did agree that the timing of her death was mildly inconvenient, although he promised it would not interfere with her promotional tour for Cancer charities and her new book "Against the Odds - My Struggle To Beat The Cancer They Said Would Kill Me In 6 Months," which was published two months ago.
Ms. Skinner will take part in the relay from a specially designed glass vehicle. In order to accommodate Olympic rules that the bearer of the torch must move propel themselves using their own body, Ms. Skinner will be connected to an innovative motor that derives its energy from methane produced by her slowly rotting corpse. It is also expected that she will begin her effort at the top of Primrose Hill to help overcome any mechanical failures, with an escort of celebrities waiting at the bottom of the hill to help avert any embarrassing overruns
The celebrations surrounding this unique event were marred however when a fight broke out amidst Ms. Skinner's celebrity friends over who should act as escorts on her journey. Mr. Motivator, claimed his right to stand at the front as, even though he had never met her, his own struggle to overcome "media wasting disease" mirrored that of Mandy's. However, Trojan and Will Carling both declared that they should claim prime position as they had enjoyed brief relationships with the ex-model, which would be appearing in the Sunday papers. As fists began to fly, Ms Skinner's agent was able to deny reports of her guest appearance on Big Brother as it was felt unlikely that "any of the current contestants would try to shag her."
posted by Beaumont at 8:06 AM
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